where did you find your Masters/Doms or subs/slaves?

As you know, I’ve been wasting spending some time on a few D/s dating sites (primarily CM and Alt, with a bit of FL thrown in when I can stomach the clique-ishness of it). In my most humble of opinions, CM is probably the best out there, given that it is free and generally easy to navigate. Alt is more or less a “Meet My Cock” site as, I swear to fuck, that is what 95% of the Dominants use as their profile pic. This would likely appeal to anyone who is only looking for cock, but I am looking for a brain and body to go with it.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of men on CM with cock shot profile pics, but not nearly as many as there are on Alt. I have (briefly) dated  (men who claimed to be) Dominants from Alt in the past (I’ve never had a Master, as of yet) but they always turned into submissive jelly in real life, which obviously would have been very disappointing for someone who needs to be controlled and dominated 24/7. As far as I can recall, I have never met anyone from CM in person, but do wish I’d met JD (still haven’t gotten around to blogging about him yet, but I will).

FL did not exist the last time I was actively seeking a Dominant online and I must say that I find it a bit off-putting. It seems to be a clever enough social network for a few genuine “lifestylers” (God how I hate that term, but can’t think of a more succinct description), which is nice — but right alongside them is a group people who have obviously read too many (badly written) books. This bothers me more than it should, I suppose. Perhaps it is because I would love to be able to just sign up with eHarmony or some other vanilla site and have thousands of sane, sexy men to choose from, instead of having to search for a needle in a haystack among the misogynists and nutcases who already permeate at least 50% of the dating sites catering to those seeking a D/s relationship.

As I continue to analyze why I am so bothered by this, I am reminded of the time I’d accompanied some gay friends to a gay/lesbian bar (15 years ago), and a very scary vampire lesbian reacted to my (polite!) rejection by snarling and asking what the fuck I was doing in ‘their’ bar, when there were plenty of straight bars I could go play in. I wasn’t sure how I should feel about the question/accusation. After all, my being there didn’t affect the actual number of lesbians who were in “their” bar at that particular moment, so from a purely statistical perspective, my being there didn’t decrease her chances of meeting an actual lesbian.

Upon reflection, however, she did waste her valuable time checking me out and pursuing me under the (logical) presumption that I, like her, was hanging out in a gay/lesbian bar because I was an actual lesbian. Ultimately, she didn’t waste weeks or months on me (as often seems to happen to many of the genuine “lifestylers” who use sites like CM, Alt and FL), but I can appreciate her frustration nonetheless.

So far, I’ve been thrilled to hear that a few of you actually met your Doms/Masters on Alt/CM, as it gives me hope! What I’d really love to know is, where the rest of you found your Masters/Doms/subs/slaves? Really, I’d love to know… please tell me? Pretty please? I need inspiration. I’d even be thrilled to know where you met those from your past, just for the sake of analysis. Did you find your Masters/Doms/subs/slaves IRL, on D/s dating sites, at munches? Or, if you’ve got friends/acquaintances in the “lifestyle” and happen to know how they met their own Masters/Dom(me)s/subs/slaves, I’d love to hear that, as well. Not that you have to tell me anything at all, obviously! But to anyone willing to share, I thank you in advance.

I could use the inspiration.


About mala

just a slave girl trying to sort her life out View all posts by mala

32 responses to “where did you find your Masters/Doms or subs/slaves?

  • badlittlegoodgirl

    I met Daddy on Adult Friend Finder.

    • mala

      Really? May I ask if it was a coincidence or were you searching for a D/s relationship? (Ignore me if that’s too personal 🙂 )

      • badlittlegoodgirl

        I don’t know that I was necessarily looking for a Dom. I was pretty much just looking for sex. I was contacted by one Dom and what he described really turned me on, and we met, but he wasn’t for me.
        I was contacted by a few other Doms but didn’t get the vibe from them that I was looking for, and then Daddy contacted me and has been my Dom ever since.

      • mala

        Thank you so much for sharing that, maybe I will have a look over there too 🙂

  • Anneal

    Is that “begging” I detect? Why yes…yes it is!

  • Collared

    He found me, so to say. Long story short, my Master is my boyfriend’s (since eleven years) sisters ex-husband. He pursued me after it was clear His marriage was going down the drain (not because of me, it was her call) and I became His.
    I will tell the long story about this some day, when I have the energy.

  • toriuk

    I met Master on a uk website InformedConsent which unfortunatley no longer is active, archives only. It had the advantage that being mainly uk profiles/contributors so much smaller than the more larger bdsm sites around.

    It can and does work, we are coming up for 8 years together next year, so success stories are out there.


  • rebellax3

    I met my Daddy/Master at FetFest! It’s a weekend long camping event over Labor Day weekend and we met because He was admiring my tattoo. We ended up talking, playing a bit in His tent that night and then played again the next night. When it was time for us to leave the event we exchanged FL handles, Facebook URLs and phone numbers. We’ve been together ever since (and we’re engaged now).

  • Beatrice

    I met Tex and M on CM — I met Mr. C (first Dom) on OKCupid – which is a vanilla site that is – so/so.

    I don’t love CM — but I don’t hate it either — given enough time it has worked for me.

    I hope you find all you desire


    • mala

      Glad to hear CM worked… can I ask how long it took to find them?? I’ve used Ok Cupid before… but did you just get lucky with that, or was there something in the profiles about D/s?? Sorry to be so personal, I am just curious, ignore me if you want 🙂

  • pippi

    I am so glad you asked this question! I have been asking the same thing, to no avail. It’s good to know CM can work. I don’t know what “Alt” is though and don’t find any web pages when searched.

    I found on FL that I was only contacted by inappropriate candidates. People who were not Dominants and were not looking for a long-term relationship, and/or were far too young for me!

    • mala

      Alt.com — it’s a BDSM dating/sex site (the latter seems to be what most people are looking for). I find FL pretty useless, too. Good luck with your search 🙂

  • MaríMar

    I wasn’t exactly looking for a Dom. He found me through my old blog… That blog is long dead but we started out as blogging friends and things slowly developed from there… 🙂

  • anonymouscouple

    We met on facebook, of course; isn’t that where all the modern kids meet these days? We had mutual friends, discovered lots of compatibilities, and started a simple affair in late October of last year. It has evolved into the most beautiful poly hotwife M/s Fem Dom relationship I have ever heard about! We both are completely happy and satisfied.

    Love your blog. Will read more tomorrow.

  • The Refined Dominant

    I met Ella in a totally non-sexual, non-romantic context. We discovered we liked each other. And I slowly and carefully introduced her to dominance and submission. We’re still very much at the beginning.

...please be nice!

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